In her book, Steering by Starlight, Martha Beck explains how contentment leads to getting what we want, rather than becoming content after getting what we want.

When someone acts like they already have everything they need, we tend to feel more comfortable around them. And the opposite is true, as well. A man who acts like he’s desperate for a woman will find that getting a woman is well-nigh impossible (because what kind of woman would want to date a desperate man?). A retailer desperate to make the sale will become pushy and give off vibes that make us feel threatened, so we’re more likely to leave the store than to buy something.

However, if someone acts like they don’t need anything from me, I’ll feel comfortable, since I don’t have to worry that they will try and take something from me. If I feel like the person is not trying to get anything, but rather is offering support and service, I will have more of a feeling of abundance around that person, so I’m more likely to want to develop a relationship (or business interaction) with them.

This creates an interesting challenge: How do I get what I want, when the feeling of wanting it actually pushes it away from me?

Those who teach the Law of Attraction will tell you to do affirmations in the first-person, present tense, that instill a feeling of already having what you want. This is tricking the brain using visualization. So, if I want a successful relationship with a happy partner, I visualize having that already, as clearly as I can in my mind’s eye. With any luck, my brain will believe what it sees, and give me a very contented feeling.

Over the course of the coming days and weeks, my brain will be more likely to support me in achieving my goal by watching for opportunities that are in congruence with the goal. For example, it had a happy feeling about having a happy partner, so next time I come in contact with a woman I find attractive (assuming I don’t already have a partner), I’ll naturally act and speak in a way that supports her in being happy, and supports me in being confident and attractive myself. This improves my odds of at least getting a date.

Well, that’s the theory anyway. If you have other theories, feel free to leave a comment.

And try it out. See how it works for you.