This morning I opened my inbox to find crossfire between two friends of mine. One did something in her business that the other found unethical, whereupon the other removed the one from her tribe. I felt sad. They are both good, loving people.
I won’t go into details on the incident, but I want to share what it taught me. It was like a mirror for me, showing me how judgemental I can be sometimes. In fact, right after I was done with that email, I had to deal with my accountant, with whom I’ve had some issues in the past. (And I’m not talking about Debbie, my new accountant, who is awesome.)
The issues have not gone away yet. Not my accountant’s issues, and not my issues. I sat there on the phone judging my accountant for all the short-comings, both past and present. And I realized at the same time that I was doing the same thing that my friends had done over the email – judging someone for being prone to human error. And now – get this – I’m judging myself as well.
What saddens me about all this – with me and with my two friends – is that we are all “lightworkers” – that funny moniker given to us “new age” (or whatever) folks who do spiritual healing work. (Obviously I’m uncomfortable with these labels but I don’t know what else to use.)
Here we are, trained in the finer arts of divine love and forgiveness, and we’re fighting with each other. But just so it doesn’t seem so bad, we clothe it in spiritual-sounding language, like, “My prayers are with him, and I hope this disagreement does not affect the community, and I wish only the best for him…” My Ego likes to use language like that, because then it looks like it’s all coming from Spirit, as if Ego has nothing to do with it. But just because I’m judging my brother with “loving” language does not make it love. The unspoken undercurrent comes out as “you’re guilty and I’m not.”
And yes, now I am judging my friends. Gaa!! We are all so insane here! Why can’t we all just get along?
We all make mistakes. We all defend ourselves for those mistakes. We all judge others for their mistakes. And even if we’re defending ourselves for our mistakes, we usually judge ourselves anyway, and also judge others for judging others.
It’s called being human. We’re all doing the best we can. And my two friends are doing the best they can, by trying to stand up for what’s right, by trying to soften the words, by trying to hold the community together despite disagreements, by trying to love each other even when we judge each other. Yes, I’m annoyed by what’s going on, but part of me – some spark of light deep down – wants to drop all the b.s. and just love both of my friends no matter what, and to acknowledge their struggle to be the best they can be under the circumstances. They’re trying. It’s just that they’re human.
A Course in Miracles tells us that we are all children of God, all brothers and sisters, and all still perfect in the sight of God. God does not judge us – we judge ourselves. We are insane, because we believe that the children of God are guilty, and that God’s creation is imperfect. This is illusion. A very convincing illusion that starts wars and other needless suffering.
When I was really young, I discovered I could manipulate my little sister by threatening “I won’t be your brother any more!” This only worked a couple times at most, before my sister realized that no disagreement could ever break the family bond. No guilt, no injury, no argument, no insanity of any kind could ever make me not be her brother any more.
It’s kind of crazy that us grown-ups are still talking that way.
A Course In Miracles also tells us that we do not have to heal ourselves from this suffering. We only have to allow Spirit to heal us. The Spirit of God promises to take away the insanity and give us love in return.