What if I really could have everything and anything I wanted? The tough part would be figuring out what I really and truly wanted.
It’s a bit overwhelming to have so much choice. Usually it’s easier to make up stories and excuses about how I don’t really have a choice – that I am the victim of the choices of others. Then I don’t have to be accountable for what happens to me.
Another way to escape from the overwhelming agoraphobia of complete freedom is to judge most of my options – to make up stories about why they are wrong or unsatisfying. It’s easier to reject a choice if I can clearly believe that there’s something wrong with it. Over the years, this excessive rejection and judgement has left me angry and depressed. I’ve gotten into the habit of rejecting options as quickly as possible, to narrow the field and make it easier to choose. Now it’s hard to truly enjoy anything at all.
It’s a more difficult choice to accept everything without judgement but also carefully choose what to bring into my life moment by moment, while accepting complete responsibility for what I choose.
What has your experience been?